Good on Top of Bad

 Good on top of Bad. That does not sound conducive to anything. You don't put good milk on top of spoiled milk. You don't want to put good soil on top of bad soil. You don't put good coffee on top of bad coffee. Putting good words on top of the 'bad' words doesn't fix anything. But use the word "memory" and the whole thing changes for me. 

Good memories on top of bad memories. Yes! Allow me to explain. 

I had a particularly traumatic experience at the Grand Canyon when I was little. If I told you the whole story, you would shake your head and say "that's not bad", but to me, it was. When I thought about it even as an adult, I got scared, and my heart would pound, my breathing would increase and the little girl in me would almost have a whole panic attack. I was probably 4 or 5 years old when this event happened. I never went back to the Grand Canyon. 

And then in 2024 my husband and I started talking about taking a road trip with the girls. We had several destinations in mind, but one option was the Grand Canyon. I don't even need to describe to you the feelings I got when that was mentioned. You already know. My heart would pound, I would look around for something safe and my breathing would change; just at the mention of the Grand Canyon. But that's where we decided to go as a family. I knew I had to face it. 

We drove and stopped at various places before we got there. But the day came: we are going to the Grand Canyon. When we arrived, and I saw the massive canyon, tears came to my eyes. The fear and panic started to rise in me. But I was determined, I was going to overcome this once and for all. 

40 years. That's how long I had held onto this memory and this fear and trauma. I wanted out of it. I wanted to conquer it and I wanted to be done with it. And I did.

I stood on the edge with my arms outstretched. I breathed in the air, the sunshine and the new memory. As my husband took this picture, I assure you, there were tears streaming down my face. I was FREE! 

I went back to a place that held a bad memory and put a good one right on top of it. 

We were at the Grand Canyon on a Sunday. We decided to have church at the Grand Canyon. So here we were, singing some of our favorite songs and Alexa read some scripture. We took in the majesty of the canyon and our Jesus. So many tears fell down my face that day. What a truly beautiful NEW, GOOD memory. 

And to this day, when I think about the Grand Canyon, tears still stream down my face but it's for a whole new reason. I think about FREEDOM and Jesus...good things.